English Premier League

Sunderland 1 (Grant Leadbitter 86')

Arsenal 1 (Cesc Fabregas 90')

West Brom 1 (Roman Bedmar 61')
Fulham 0

Wigan 0

Middlesbrough 1 (Jeremie Aliadiere 89')

Blackburn 0

Man Utd 2 (Wes Brown 30' Wayne Rooney 64')

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Hmm smth i read in the papers today.

Thought it was really funny. LOL.

(Extracted from the sunday times)

Why west brom will stay up?

1. They've got Pele: Dun worry, Pele is in the team. He's a portugese defender named Pedro Monteriro who's known as Pedro Pele or Pele for short. He doesn't play much, but who cares? Its the name that count.

2. Their bad omen is over: Albion let in the very first goal of the season when arsenal scored against them. So their suay moment is over since, technically, every epl team is entitles to one major embarassment. Unless of course they are newcastle united.

3. There are six more emirates without a football club: Its not just abu dhabi in the uae. West brom might be snapped up by a trillion-dollar sugar-daddy emirate called Umm al-Quewain, which eats everything up while going "ummmm".

4. They will win once they stop playing like Arsenal: Albion prefers a pretty passing game like Arsenal: Which means they'd win once they get rid of that nonsense and pump the ball high into the sky.

Why hull city will stay up?

1. They've got Roary: Roary the tiger is the club mascot. He's tough. Thats why they didnt use Hello Kitty the cat.

2. Their english players love a dogfight: Out of their huge bargain-basement squad,hull have over 20 english players. They're bulldogs in a street fight. Ugly buy effective.

3. There's always Dean Windass: The head of the english scrappers is this guy Windass. He's 39, fat, ugly as hell, completely over. But he scored the goal which won them promotion and is still hanging around for emergencies.

Why tottenham will go down?

1. Juande Ramos needs 10 more years to learn to speak english: How come Scolari, Benitez and other foreign managers can speak english in quick time while Juande (pronounced as one-day) Ramos needs what seems like one lifetime?

2. Their goalkeeper is brazilian: Man city went for brazilian hitmen like Robinho and Jo. Spurs got a brazilian goalkeeper Heureliho Gomes who lets hitmen put the ball pass him.

3. Oh, what the heck, they're just a bunch of softies: Their whole midfield is like tofu curdled over. Anybody can slice them up.

Why newcastle will go down?

1. Joe Kinnear still has 5000 swear words to unleash: He released 50 expletives in five mins in his first pre-match press conference. The way Newcastle are heading, he may need 10000 more.

2. One witch doctor may not be enough: Basically, the titanic had better luck than newcastle unied. To break this voodoo spell, they must hire black magic experts and Thaksin's fengshui advisor. Look how lucky man city became.

3. The toon army finally changed their name to the cartoon army: How much more must those faithful followers suffer before they revolt, rebel or commit mass suicide like lemmings on a cliff? How long more will the effigies of the hated Mike Asheley and Dennis Wise burn before the fans turn into Porky Pig and go "th-th-th-thats all folks"?